In this episode we learn that before leaving Montreal for Toronto
Antoine had a serious relapse and no one heard from him for 4 days. He checked
himself into rehab, but shortly after getting out he relapsed again.
There's a popular saying, especially on
social media, the struggle is
real. And in recovery situations, there is no truer statement. But, in the
spiritual life, this saying holds true for those who are intentionally on the
journey. I say intentionally specifically because every single
person is on a spiritual journey whether they realize it or not. By
intentionally I mean those who are seeking a particular level, particularly
holiness, in their journey. In hindsight, after writing this, I realize we are
all struggling to reach another level on our spiritual journey, whether we
realize it or not, yet some of us are reaching for/towards God to fulfill us
and others are reaching for something other than God:
“ All that we call human history-money, poverty, ambition, war, prostitution, classes, empires, slavery-is the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy.” – C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
Antoine's sponsor goes
on to talk about how when he was struggling with drugs he thought he could
handle it himself, but that was his ego talking. Antoine concurred. At one
point he thought he could handle going out and partying and not letting it take
over, yet he went home, went to sleep, and woke up 4 days later.
The spiritual journey is
no different. Each of us has some struggle whether big or small. And at some
point we think we can handle it and conquer it on our own, but we are always
reminded that we are weak, especially when we fail and fall into temptation.
But I think what is most interesting is how we may have the ability to not fall
into temptation and commit sin yet sometimes we toe the line and dabble with
the temptation itself. We look at it, think about it, dwell on it. We may even
gain pleasure in thinking of going through with the act yet don't. This is very
much dancing with the devil.
St. Francis de Sales
points out the three steps in the process of temptation: 1. Sin is proposed to
the soul, 2. We are either please or displeased by the proposal, 3. We consent
to or reject the temptation of sin. He goes on to say that even though we may
have no intention of committing the sin, the very act of choosing to take
pleasure in thinking about it before rejecting it is dangerous and damaging.
Sometimes it can be automatic and out of our control, but other times this
dwelling can be intentional and even sinful.
I see this danger even
in the simple things that we consider normal and acceptable in our daily
life.
"They (St. Catherine of Siena and St. Francis de Sales) both point out how important it is to avoid those people, places, situations, activities, and thought processes that will lead us to be tempted to a particular sin...If we see that watching a certain television program or a certain movie stirs up lust in ourselves we need to avoid those programs and movies." - Ralph Martin, The Fulfillment of All Desire
Years ago, I made the
decision that even if there was a TV show I enjoyed that had a great story,
characters, actors, etc, yet may have caused me to stumble, especially into
lust, that it was not worth my time. Since then, with the explosion of TV
series especially with Netflix and other platforms, there are hundreds of
series with great stories, characters, and actors. And many of them I am very
interested in. But, if I find out through word of mouth, or through checking
them out on my own, that they have scenes that are basically short porn scenes,
it's not worth my time. I even know people, in and outside of ministry, who are
all about shows like Game of Thrones, yet that show is notorious for those
types of scenes. When I mention I don't watch it an why, I've been told
"well you can just fast forward through that." I don't presume myself
to be holier than though, but for things like this I don't even want to do that
because I don't want to support that kind of entertainment. Now I'm not saying
I don't watch any show that has a sex scene, but I know what is OK for me and
not. I just finished the first season of Jessica Jones on Netflix, and
honestly, I don't think I'll be investing in the second.
But these are all
decisions each of us has to make. The biggest part of my personal story that
relates to Antoine is after my first year and a half of college. I had sworn to
myself that I would not become that normal college student partying and
drinking and what not. Yet, shortly after my first semester I took a nose dive.
After hindsight kicked in and I was literally looking in the mirror and
realized who I had become, I knew I could not be around those occasions of sin
until I was able to be there and have the strength to not take part. So for 8 straight
months I made my own rehab by not being around people and situations that I
normally were around. This was extremely hard and lonely because this included
some people I loved and cared for dearly. Yet with hindsight, that was the best
decision I ever made because it was during that time I met my wife.
The struggle is real,
but with God all things are possible. Getting to the other side of our
struggles is possible, but it's how we enter that fight that will determine our
victory or fall.
"Catherine of Siena talks about fighting the spiritual battle with a two-edge sword in our hands, with hatred of sin as one edge or the blade and love of virtue as the other. It's right and necessary to hate sin. Sin is ugly. Sin always hurts ourselves and others. Sin is offensive to God. To grow not just in our intellectual understanding of the ugliness of sin but in our emotional reaction to it is helpful for resisting temptation. Hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good. (Rom. 12:9)" - Ralph Martin, The Fulfillment of All Desire
Watch the video: Play the Tape to the End: Ego
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