Rant from a Millennial

I’m tired of all this complaining about millennials. Maybe I’m just surrounded by great people from my generation (and I am) but I don’t know any of these complaining millennials everyone complains about expecting everything to be given to them. I know they exist but every generation has these types of people. The people I do know and the things I do see and hear constantly are people in older generations constantly doing the complaining. They’re the ones writing the articles and blogs and they are the talking heads on TV and radio that complain and moan.

It’s all a circle. The older generations complain that the younger generations aren’t exactly like them so something’s wrong. I read an article about how people are not happy with a statue put up in our town of two young girls taking a selfie. Among other statues the point is to have statues that reflect what normally happens in that area of town, Town Center. One lady commented “This is why we hate the younger generation.” Wow, strong words! Hate?  I think the amount that people are bothered by this statue is more of a reflection on some of the people in the community and not on the statue. Once someone leaves one age group they forget they were probably the same way and have a down casting eye instead of an eye and heart that says, “Let me lead them to something greater.” I  know people my age who have done this, they are older now and complain about the younger, as if things/they have changed that much.

(I just read in a biography on J. R. R. Tolkien that he recalls a memory while being sick with pneumonia and his grandfather was staying with them. He remembers him, " standing by my bedside, a tall thin black-clad figure, and looking at me and speaking to me in contempt-to the effect that I and my generation were degenerate weaklings." This was in 1923.)

I don’t think people stop and realize that SOMEONE raised the younger generation, and someone else raised the generation that is currently raising the young. And that someone, naturally, is the older generation doing the complaining. Things don’t just happen. It was the older generations that decided to stop having family meals. It was the older generation that decided to put sports, extracurricular activities, and school above faith and family. It was the older generation that decided to enact no fault divorce that started the divorce trend that is ravaging the western world (before you get sensitive I’m not saying all divorces are the same)(In my philosophy class my professor presented us with a study that showed the top 5 worse things that could happen to a person. Divorce was in that top 5 because of how far reaching and lasting the effects of it is). The younger generation is not the one that decided for themselves that they move too much and have too much energy for the older generation to try and have patience with and learn to work with and decided to put themselves on drugs that dull their senses and turn them into zombies thus starting the abuse of such drugs. It is the older generation that has so corrupted our economy that there is a lack of well-paying jobs and our cost of living is so high that so many millennials are living at home. It’s not the youth who are deciding that they need to be in all honors and AP classes even though they aren’t equipped for it, multiple sports and clubs and then end up with busted bodies by time they graduate and depressed and even suicidal deciding to cope with cutting and prescription drug use from their parent’s cabinets or the doctors they’re sent to. It’s not the youth who have made the porn industry so successful to gross more money than the NFL, MLB, and NBA combined, in turn encouraging the pornification of every other entertainment medium.

Our country did not end up the way it is over night. The younger generations are not the way they are on accident. As St. John Paul II said in a homily back in 1986, “As the family goes, so goes the nation, and so goes the world in which we live.” We all know it. I’ve met so many parents that complain about competition in schools, sports, band, etc, yet they continue to succumb to it and form their lives around those things. They complain about how they never see their kids, everyone is so busy, they miss so much church. Parents wonder why their kids are depressed and they have no idea why. No one knows what is going on in the other family members’ hearts and minds.

At our final Confirmation night I invited parents. Some came. I challenged the teens to really think about what the sacrament is about (being more closely bound to the Church, strengthened by the Spirit, and are more strongly obligated to spread and defend the faith with their actions and words). Then I challenged the parents by reminding them what they promised they’d do at their child’s Baptism (raise them in the faith). I asked them if that has been happening. If so, great. If not, it’s time to start because they are not done raising their kids in the faith until…well they are never done. Hopefully if they are in heaven they’ll continue praying for their children. I closed by having the families not just pray with each other but by praying OVER each other. They were to share something real about what they need prayer for and take turns praying over each other. The majority had never done this and this was uncomfortable and challenging.

Stop all the complaining and take responsibility for your family. Families are what will make real change. But what do I know. I’m just a complaining millennial. 

Check out:

The Importance of Family Dinners

St. John Bosco's Ten Tips for Helping Our Youth

Do You Trust Your Father?

The writer, Anais Nin, once said "We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.” When Chris approached me two years ago asking what I thought of our family becoming missionaries with AdoreMinistries, I saw the idea as I was. Having recently been diagnosed with postpartum depression (PPD), a terrible anxiety gripped my life.  I saw missionary life as the surrendering of the only strings of security that I had left, which were Chris's steady paycheck and a life I've grown to love alongside his wonderful parents who have graciously shared their home with us. I saw our leaving the home where we had brought both our daughters from the hospital, and where I had come to know the sense of security and stability that was not present in my childhood. The voice of anxiety in me said that only a fool would give that up for a life in which we must depend on the kindness and generosity of others, and a life of unknowns. In short, I saw all of the truths of missionary life—less traditional security and having to move—through the lens of my own depression.

I would like to add here that PPD, which was soon followed by a diagnosis of major depressive disorder, has been one of the biggest gifts in my life. Brutal, dark, heavy, but a gift. You see, depression is not something that I can just get over, move past, or heal on my own. It has taken a village of people to lift me, support me, and most importantly restore my faith. I've learned that at some point in my life I determined that being self-sufficient and independent was what I needed in order to survive. I had no idea that this internal message bled over into every part of me including my spiritual life.  Fighting depression has, like the steady flow of river water, carved in me a place for trust to live and move. A few months into my counseling journey, I came across this passage from Magnificat that I would like to share with you. It has been one of most eye-opening and influential pieces of writing that I've come across in the last two years. This was in the Lenten edition this year, which was when I began praying about Adore missionary life.

“Too often the cause of our anxieties is a hidden trust in our own strength and understanding. We try to operate out of our own, false self-sufficiency. The anxiety that gets the better of us is the fear that we will not be taken care of. Anxiety of this sort stands as a deep mistrust of God’s Providence, of God’s Fatherly protection of us. Anxiety makes us doubt that love is enough; it makes us doubt God himself…”

I realized that I absolutely struggle with believing I will be taken care of and that God is a Good Father in whom I can place my trust. For as long as I can remember I've believed that if I don't take care of myself no one else will. I have a tendency to operate with an internal backup generator for when life's storms bring havoc rather than abandoning myself to the care of the one whose voice can calm the wind. Dealing with an illness that often feels greater than any strength I could ever summon has systematically broken down my desire to be self-sufficient. I know that I need help; I know I need people.

This realization stands in stark contrast to modern society’s insistence that we, especially women, should depend on nothing and no one to be happy and healthy. While I agree that happiness is primarily an interior work, I also deeply believe that the more we belong to each other the more loving a place our world can become. This is a draw of missionary life for me. I want to provide a childhood for my daughters in which they are encouraged first to love others and then to pursue their wildest dreams, for without love we are nothing and our trophies become obsessions.  

Also, in the last 5 years I have watched Chris, a truly exceptional human being, give his time and passion to youth ministry. There is no doubt he has a gift for it, and I have always supported that. But his true gift is an ability to be present to people. He can make others feel they have a steady, loving friend in their lives, and that is something for which our world has a dire need. That combined with his genuine love for all people, especially anyone that could be labeled as an outcast, make him a great youth minister. As the months passed and I began responding to treatment and improving, I came across the Adore Ministries name during morning prayer, and there was a lurch in my gut. I felt like I could begin to see our family stepping out in faith. Maybe. I decided to tell Chris I was praying about it only to discover he felt drawn to do the same. What drew me back to this opportunity over a year after I had dismissed it? Adore's heart is in loving those whom society has looked down upon or forgotten. I see our partnership with such a wonderful mission as a chance for that gift of presence Chris has to make a BIG Impact. And I see an opportunity to be a part of that too. Much of my battle with depression has consisted of figuring out how to survive, and I believe many of my gifts and talents have been buried in that process.  It is my hope that this new adventure will bring a new level of fulfillment to my life as a woman and mother, to our marriage, and in turn to our family  life.

There is a verse from Acts that Adore has in its mission statement: “Go tell the people everything about this life.” Those words capture the transparency and genuine nature that I've come to love about this group of missionaries. Tell them everything about this life? Even that I am a minister's wife who takes antidepressants and goes to therapy? Even that I have had anxiety so bad that I've missed Sunday mass? YES. Because behind the truth of my struggles is a GRACE so fierce and a love so deep and true that sharing one without the other would be false and empty. That verse comes from a passage in Acts in which an Angel frees the disciples from prison. How can we speak of freedom if we are ashamed to tell of our time in chains? What would I really have to offer anyone if all I want to share is the good in my life? My struggles forge a connection with the imperfection of this life, which I believe tethers me to others and draws us all closer to God.

“He had decided to continue down the winding, dangerous path indicated for him…to accept that he had not been told everything he wanted to know, but simply to trust. He had no desire to doubt again, he did not want to hear anything that would deflect him from his purpose.”  

—from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

So I have decided to trust. To believe in what we hope to do—beyond reason or doubt. I choose to trust that love IS enough, that it is everything, in fact. I am a work in progress who is learning to see God as a good, good Father. I have no idea what is in store for us, but I know that choosing to love others and choosing to give to those who can never repay you just can't be a mistake. It can't. That kind of faith waters the deepest roots of goodness in humanity. It breathes life into dusty bones. It heals and restores. It is the kind of faith I want behind everything I do, and it is the legacy I hope to give my daughters so that they may one day have the courage to believe in Love. With that desire to trust I walk hand in hand with my family into missionary life. I hope you'll walk with us in prayer, support, and encouragement.

We're Leaving. We're Moving. On to New Adventures.

We're leaving Sacred Heart. We're moving to Dickinson, TX area. We're excited to start new adventures as a full time missionary family with Adore Ministries.

This was not in our plans. Missionary life was definitely not on the radar. We've always supported Adore by supporting a missionary and their purpose. I remember when we moved back to Texas I asked Erika out of the blue what were her thoughts on just the idea of joining Adore. I got a "No way", which was in reference to missionary life/fundraising a salary and not Adore itself. A year later, Adore specifically popped into Erika's prayer but nothing came of it. It was noted and we moved on.

This past January I hired Ennie Hickman to come speak to our catechists at our catechist appreciation dinner. Afterwards we caught up since we hadn't seen each other in a good while. Out of sheer curiosity I asked him what it was like for a family to go from a church salary position to missionary life. Overall he expressed how much more whole and fulfilling his marriage and family life had become. We had a long talk about mission life and the mission of Adore. I then went home, told Erika about the conversation and she replied, "I'm open to it. Let's set up a meeting." Wuh?!

We met with Adore a few times and then got serious. We were given a month to discern. At that point I was ready to go. A month? A whole month?! Let's do this now! But one of their strengths is their slow moving in decision making. They are very prayerful and intentional about what they do, where they go, and who they bring in. But, this was a huge time of growth for me. I was forced to actually stop and discern. A good friend of Erika's gave us some great things to think about: What if we were really called to mission work but not Adore? Had we looked at other missionary groups? What if we weren't called to missionary life? Had we looked into anything/anywhere else? Good questions. We also had advice given to us to imagine for 3-4 days that we had decided to say yes/had already been received into Adore and then 3-4 vice versa, what if we didn't join. How would we feel?

In the end, it was our prayer experiences that were the final kickers to our decision (Erika will share her experience in a guest post). For myself, I was praying in our chapel and reading Ralph Martin's The Fulfillment of All Desire: A Guidebook for the Journey to God Based on the Wisdom of the Saints. I got to a point where it mentioned that St. Francis de Sales encouraged lay people to work up to an hour of prayer a day. I decided I was going to stay in there for an hour. Our church is Sacred Heart Catholic Church so naturally we had a Sacred Heart statue.This statue depicts Jesus with his exposed heart (no, his chest isn't busted open, his heart is just on the outside) and him pointing to it. I sat there and begged Jesus to tell me where he wanted me, where he wanted my family to be, what did he want us to do. I did not hear any voice but I had an overwhelming experience of Jesus telling me, "I want you right here, I want you where my heart is." Where's his heart? With the lost, down trodden and the poor. That is exactly where Adore's heart is. For the next couple weeks leading up to our decision date as far as I was concerned I was all in but I wanted to remain open so up until the second we were asked for our answer I was in discernment.

Since then I've been thinking about how I've arrived at this point and have been able to see how God has been grooming me for this. A large part of what Adore is about and does is community and living out Acts. I have been supported and have depended on others/community since college. When I was interning in Austin I lived with two families the two years I was there. When Erika started her masters degree we moved in with my parents so we wouldn't have to take out loans. When we moved to Colorado the parish I was at supplied our housing. We have been with my parents since moving back. And finally, and probably the most important has been the love and support of the Faith Formation Department staff at Sacred Heart. The three years we have been back in Texas have been very rewarding and very challenging. After our youngest daughter, Adeline, was born Erika was diagnosed with severe postpartum depression. There have been times where I have needed to head home to be with her. The staff has expressed with me over and over and has always followed through that if I ever needed to leave work, even in the middle of one of my own events, that I should and they would cover for me. The staff has been such a blessing and expression of real community and support.

It's bittersweet leaving Sacred Heart but we are very excited for our new adventure. Please, please, please keep us and the Sacred Heart youth ministry in prayer. If you'd like to learn more about Adore and where we'll be going and what we'll be doing and if you'd like to partner with us I'd love to get with you to talk about it.

Check out Adore Ministries !

"Go and take your place in the temple area, and tell the people everything about this life." - Acts 5:20

My Sister Met a Couple of My Heroes and I Didn't

So I'm pretty much living vicariously through my sister in meeting some of my Catholic heroes. Here's two examples.

My original home parish, St. Laurence in Sugar Land, TX, has a great speaker series. Last year they brought in Jennifer Fulwiler. I actually went to see her speak. Erika and I were supposed to go together but she had a rough day and wanted to stay home. Since she had such a rough day I left right after the talk. Lucky me, my sister was at the talk too. So, I texted her to buy a book and I'd pay her back. Well, this happened:

















So...SCORE! In all honesty, it's my fault I've never met her. She spoke at a conference in Denver and I was sitting in a hallway between talks and she walked by. I kept telling myself that she was just a regular person and I should just stop her and say hi but I chickened out and she walked right on by.

Monday night, Christopher West spoke at the speaker series. His teaching along with his books and my study of St. John Paul II's Theology of the Body has revolutionized not just the my life and my view but also express the truth of the Church's teaching of who we are and what we're made for. Well, I forgot he was coming, but I took the day off of work and decided I'd truly take it off since I was at work all weekend, and stay home. Well, my sister went and this happened:

Ok, so there's a story behind the autograph. If you didn't notice, this blog's title is included. If you go all the way back to one of my first, if not the first, blog I wrote I explained how I got the phrase vertical wildness from Christopher West's book Fill These Hearts: God, Sex, and the Universal Longing. Well before I used the title I actually emailed the contact email for Christopher West's Cor Project  to get permission to use his phrase. For some reason it really bugged me to use a phrase he coined without permission. Well, Christopher West personally replied, and this is how he did it:

"Dear Chris,
I appreciate you asking. I'll give you 30 days to come up with something different and if you don't, you'll be hearing from my lawyer.
JK. Feel free to use it. Happy if it blesses you and blesses others."

 Seriously?! What a guy. So here's to me hopefully meeting my next hero that comes to town. I'm looking at you Dr. Scott Hahn (I actually did speak with him once but it was for mere seconds because he was literally running by me because he was late for his plane.)

I Missed Holy Thursday

I missed Holy Thursday.

On Holy Thursday Erika had a gathering with the rest of her area Stella & Dot team in Galveston. We decided weeks before that I'd drop her off and then spend the day in Galveston with our girls. Our Holy Thursday plans were to make it to mass at a nearby church.

After I dropped Erika off the girls and I took the ferry over to Bolivar. We got out and walked around the boat. We got to see a guy feed the seagulls with his own mouth by sticking a long piece of bread in it and allowing them to swoop down and bite it out. Intimate. Once we reached Bolivar we headed to Crystal Beach and ate some snacks.

A couple of our friends, the Glazes (That Catholic Couple) had a beautiful baby daughter a week ago so I told them that we wanted to see them and that I'd bring lunch. So once I got their request (Raising Canes...OVERRATED) we got back in the car and headed back to the ferry.

Sidenote: On the way back I kept wanting to pull over and take a picture of this weed because it reminded me of the flower Murron gives to William Wallace in Braveheart. Well I just googled it, its a thistle and it IS the flower that Murron picked and gave to William. It's the national flower of Scotland. Back to the story...The more you know.

When we finally got back to Galveston I picked up some Chick-fil-a for the girls and then Canes for the rest of us.When we finally got to the Glaze's the girls were so excited. Yet when Daniel opened the door Elanor went into full opossum mode and laid down in the door way. Daniel's dad was sitting in a chair by the door, she didn't know him, opossum mode ensued.  She can be pretty shy at times. So once I carried her limp body in and Daniel's dad went upstairs to take a nap (he's been in town helping out) we sat down and got to break bread together and catch up (and get filmed for one of their vlogs).

It was so great to see them in their new element. New house, new baby, new family, new modes in life...mom and dad. I could see the sheer joy they had for this new chapter in their life. And the girls were super into Baby Lily. They just wanted to stare, touch, and kiss her.

After being there a while Erika called, way before I expected her, and asked for me to pick her up. So I packed up the girls into the car, headed back into Galveston, picked Erika up and got her food, and headed back to the Glaze's so Erika could meet Lily and love on the new little family.

I mentioned our plans for Holy Thursday above. Yeah, about that...I lost track of time and realized it was about an hour until Thursday night mass. I asked Erika if she still wanted to go and we talked about it and I checked my maps app to see traffic and I realize 1. It's Holy Week and you need to get their early to get a seat. 2. There was no way we were getting there early due to distance and traffic. So we decided not to go and stay a little longer with our friends. Honestly, I was a little upset because I didn't get to do WHAT YOU DO on Holy Thursday. Yet, after a few days and a little experience of hindsight, I came to realize that even though I didn't do the traditional Holy Thursday, much less Triduum traditions, I actually got to live out Holy Thursday. It's on this day we remember Jesus washing the feet of his apostles and the birth of the priesthood which are two powerful examples of service. I got to live out service that day. First I got to bring my wife to an event that was so powerful and invigorating for her. I then got to take my girls on adventure riding the ferry a couple times and going to the beach. And we finished our day loving on our friends and their new family. I got to serve them baby bringing them food they had a craving for and then my wife got to love on Ana just relating and sharing mama knowledge.

I've been really been trying to be intentional lately about the idea of allowing your self, your life to be interrupted. It's in this way that you are able to be incarnational and available to others. I mean that's basically Jesus' whole story. He was always being interrupted yet he allowed it. He was interrupted by the hemorrhaging woman, the lady washing his feet with her tears, the friends who lowered their friend down through the roof, and more. Yet, he didn't send them away and say "Hey, sorry, I have a schedule to keep." No, he took time and spent it with those people.

So yeah, I missed out on a traditional Holy Thursday but I got to experience what Holy Thursday is calling us into.

Lenten Series 6: Play the Tape to the End: Behind the Scenes (Conclusion)

Watch the final video here: Play the Tape to the End: Behind the Scenes (Conclusion)

This 6th and final episode of Play the Tape to the End does not have a well rounded ending. And it shouldn't, Antoine's journey is ongoing. The same goes for this Lent, just because it is Holy Week now and we are coming up on Easter, doesn't mean there will be a well rounded end to this 40 day spiritual journey.

This Lent of 2016 has been the most hectic Lent I can remember. I'm usually pretty good at slowing down during Lent, but that has not happened. Work was obviously still going on, though due to spring break, Holy Week, and Easter we only had one Life Teen event which was a full Saturday conference so not a small feet. I was also blessed to speak a a few different events and also portray Jesus in a living Stations of the Cross.

For most of Lent I'd say I thought it was going lousy. The main thing I was attempting to do for Lent was to wake up at my alarm and actually get up or if I got up before it to stay up. I wanted to do this for many reasons but mainly it was so I could life in the morning and also assist Erika with the girls. If I were up earlier I could have breakfast read, take care of the girls while Erika slept, and have some quiet prayer time before the day started. For the most part I though I was failing. But hindsight has shown me a different story. No, I have not woken up at 5:00AM all throughout Lent, but I have seen a progression in waking up earlier and earlier as well as being more intentional when I am awake and at home. My prayer life has also intensified. I have seen many fruits and received many important answers lately. And even though my prayer may not happen in the morning as I was planning, I've been intentional in getting it in once at church. I can be so scrupulous at times beating on myself because the change didn't happen over night. But one thing I've learned and in some situations have been forced to learn over this Lent is that slow and steady is sometimes the best way.

Also during this Lent I've been able to be present with a lot of people. I've been able to spend time with more teens where they are at, get to talk with great people and share space and food, and just be incarnational. I'm really hoping to have this continue on the other side of Easter Sunday.

My thought on Antoine is he is doing a lot of the right things and the people that are surrounding him are doing a great job of supporting him. If I were to sit down with him probably the only thing I'd add that I believe to be missing in his equation is God. He is not mentioned anywhere. Where do you turn in those moments of temptation? Even if you have accountability partners I think most times you involve them after the fact. Who can you call on in the midst of the moment? When you play the tape to the end, whether the cassette or VHS, music or movie, I think its better to share that with someone else and what better person than your Creator?

As we draw closer to the Triduum (Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Easter Vigil on Saturday) let's try even more to slow down. Enter into, lean into each day and the events it is commemorating.

Here's a great resource: How to Make Holy Week Truly Holy

Lenten Series 5: Play the Tape to the End: Ego

In this episode we learn that before leaving Montreal for Toronto Antoine had a serious relapse and no one heard from him for 4 days. He checked himself into rehab, but shortly after getting out he relapsed again.

There's a popular saying, especially on social media, the struggle is real. And in recovery situations, there is no truer statement. But, in the spiritual life, this saying holds true for those who are intentionally on the journey. I say intentionally specifically because every single person is on a spiritual journey whether they realize it or not. By intentionally I mean those who are seeking a particular level, particularly holiness, in their journey. In hindsight, after writing this, I realize we are all struggling to reach another level on our spiritual journey, whether we realize it or not, yet some of us are reaching for/towards God to fulfill us and others are reaching for something other than God:

“ All that we call human history-money, poverty, ambition, war, prostitution, classes, empires, slavery-is the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy.” – C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

“You move us to delight in praising You; for you have formed us for Yourself, and our hearts are restless till they find rest in You.” – St.Augustine, Confessions

Antoine's sponsor goes on to talk about how when he was struggling with drugs he thought he could handle it himself, but that was his ego talking. Antoine concurred. At one point he thought he could handle going out and partying and not letting it take over, yet he went home, went to sleep, and woke up 4 days later.

The spiritual journey is no different. Each of us has some struggle whether big or small. And at some point we think we can handle it and conquer it on our own, but we are always reminded that we are weak, especially when we fail and fall into temptation. But I think what is most interesting is how we may have the ability to not fall into temptation and commit sin yet sometimes we toe the line and dabble with the temptation itself. We look at it, think about it, dwell on it. We may even gain pleasure in thinking of going through with the act yet don't. This is very much dancing with the devil.

St. Francis de Sales points out the three steps in the process of temptation: 1. Sin is proposed to the soul, 2. We are either please or displeased by the proposal, 3. We consent to or reject the temptation of sin. He goes on to say that even though we may have no intention of committing the sin, the very act of choosing to take pleasure in thinking about it before rejecting it is dangerous and damaging. Sometimes it can be automatic and out of our control, but other times this dwelling can be intentional and even sinful. 

I see this danger even in the simple things that we consider normal and acceptable in our daily life. 

"They (St. Catherine of Siena and St. Francis de Sales) both point out how important it is to avoid those people, places, situations, activities, and thought processes that will lead us to be tempted to a particular sin...If we see that watching a certain television program or a certain movie stirs up lust in ourselves we need to avoid those programs and movies." - Ralph Martin, The Fulfillment of All Desire

Years ago, I made the decision that even if there was a TV show I enjoyed that had a great story, characters, actors, etc, yet may have caused me to stumble, especially into lust, that it was not worth my time. Since then, with the explosion of TV series especially with Netflix and other platforms, there are hundreds of series with great stories, characters, and actors. And many of them I am very interested in. But, if I find out through word of mouth, or through checking them out on my own, that they have scenes that are basically short porn scenes, it's not worth my time. I even know people, in and outside of ministry, who are all about shows like Game of Thrones, yet that show is notorious for those types of scenes. When I mention I don't watch it an why, I've been told "well you can just fast forward through that." I don't presume myself to be holier than though, but for things like this I don't even want to do that because I don't want to support that kind of entertainment. Now I'm not saying I don't watch any show that has a sex scene, but I know what is OK for me and not. I just finished the first season of Jessica Jones on Netflix, and honestly, I don't think I'll be investing in the second.

But these are all decisions each of us has to make. The biggest part of my personal story that relates to Antoine is after my first year and a half of college. I had sworn to myself that I would not become that normal college student partying and drinking and what not. Yet, shortly after my first semester I took a nose dive. After hindsight kicked in and I was literally looking in the mirror and realized who I had become, I knew I could not be around those occasions of sin until I was able to be there and have the strength to not take part. So for 8 straight months I made my own rehab by not being around people and situations that I normally were around. This was extremely hard and lonely because this included some people I loved and cared for dearly. Yet with hindsight, that was the best decision I ever made because it was during that time I met my wife.

The struggle is real, but with God all things are possible. Getting to the other side of our struggles is possible, but it's how we enter that fight that will determine our victory or fall.

"Catherine of Siena talks about fighting the spiritual battle with a two-edge sword in our hands, with hatred of sin as one edge or the blade and love of virtue as the other. It's right and necessary to hate sin. Sin is ugly. Sin always hurts ourselves and others. Sin is offensive to God. To grow not just in our intellectual understanding of the ugliness of sin but in our emotional reaction to it is helpful for resisting temptation. Hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good. (Rom. 12:9)" - Ralph Martin, The Fulfillment of All Desire 

Watch the video: Play the Tape to the End: Ego