I Did Not Fall and I Wish I Had

A couple weeks ago (June 22-26) I was able to take one of my teens to Steubenville of the Rockies in Auroroa, CO. A friend of mine who is a youth minister had extra spots and offered some to me. I offered them to 9 teens and got one. WORTH IT!

As youth ministers everything we do is for the teens but in God's greatness, love, and mercy he always has something for us. Well for the two weeks leading up to the conference I had been dealing with something personally heavy. It got to a point where I could not carry it anymore. It went so far to where I did not want to go on the trip. I was not myself for the first couple days of travel. And as my friend the youth minister and I were able to go off on our own for a little while to connect he shared how he could tell I was not myself.

I shared with him what I was going through. We spoke about how I had not been doing much self care (lifting, comic book reading, grading a beer with friends, etc, things that I did for myself). I thought that was a good revelation. But, it wasn't until that night during adoration that the real revelation.

During the Saturday night Eucharistic adoration procession is when I saw my fault. During Matt Maher's song, Lord I Need You, specifically during the bridge, is whenI realized where I had been going wrong. The second half of the bridge is what hit me, 

When I cannot stand I'll fall on you

Jesus, You're my hope and stay.

For the past two weeks my prayer life was crap! I was not relying, I was not falling on him. WE spent time talking about everything else that self-care is about EXCEPT for God himself!

I'll admit, even with that realization, even when I got back it was not easy. But, with the realization of where I was putting my trust and where I wasn't putting it, that eventually brought the situation to a beautiful reality.