Rant from a Millennial

I’m tired of all this complaining about millennials. Maybe I’m just surrounded by great people from my generation (and I am) but I don’t know any of these complaining millennials everyone complains about expecting everything to be given to them. I know they exist but every generation has these types of people. The people I do know and the things I do see and hear constantly are people in older generations constantly doing the complaining. They’re the ones writing the articles and blogs and they are the talking heads on TV and radio that complain and moan.

It’s all a circle. The older generations complain that the younger generations aren’t exactly like them so something’s wrong. I read an article about how people are not happy with a statue put up in our town of two young girls taking a selfie. Among other statues the point is to have statues that reflect what normally happens in that area of town, Town Center. One lady commented “This is why we hate the younger generation.” Wow, strong words! Hate?  I think the amount that people are bothered by this statue is more of a reflection on some of the people in the community and not on the statue. Once someone leaves one age group they forget they were probably the same way and have a down casting eye instead of an eye and heart that says, “Let me lead them to something greater.” I  know people my age who have done this, they are older now and complain about the younger, as if things/they have changed that much.

(I just read in a biography on J. R. R. Tolkien that he recalls a memory while being sick with pneumonia and his grandfather was staying with them. He remembers him, " standing by my bedside, a tall thin black-clad figure, and looking at me and speaking to me in contempt-to the effect that I and my generation were degenerate weaklings." This was in 1923.)

I don’t think people stop and realize that SOMEONE raised the younger generation, and someone else raised the generation that is currently raising the young. And that someone, naturally, is the older generation doing the complaining. Things don’t just happen. It was the older generations that decided to stop having family meals. It was the older generation that decided to put sports, extracurricular activities, and school above faith and family. It was the older generation that decided to enact no fault divorce that started the divorce trend that is ravaging the western world (before you get sensitive I’m not saying all divorces are the same)(In my philosophy class my professor presented us with a study that showed the top 5 worse things that could happen to a person. Divorce was in that top 5 because of how far reaching and lasting the effects of it is). The younger generation is not the one that decided for themselves that they move too much and have too much energy for the older generation to try and have patience with and learn to work with and decided to put themselves on drugs that dull their senses and turn them into zombies thus starting the abuse of such drugs. It is the older generation that has so corrupted our economy that there is a lack of well-paying jobs and our cost of living is so high that so many millennials are living at home. It’s not the youth who are deciding that they need to be in all honors and AP classes even though they aren’t equipped for it, multiple sports and clubs and then end up with busted bodies by time they graduate and depressed and even suicidal deciding to cope with cutting and prescription drug use from their parent’s cabinets or the doctors they’re sent to. It’s not the youth who have made the porn industry so successful to gross more money than the NFL, MLB, and NBA combined, in turn encouraging the pornification of every other entertainment medium.

Our country did not end up the way it is over night. The younger generations are not the way they are on accident. As St. John Paul II said in a homily back in 1986, “As the family goes, so goes the nation, and so goes the world in which we live.” We all know it. I’ve met so many parents that complain about competition in schools, sports, band, etc, yet they continue to succumb to it and form their lives around those things. They complain about how they never see their kids, everyone is so busy, they miss so much church. Parents wonder why their kids are depressed and they have no idea why. No one knows what is going on in the other family members’ hearts and minds.

At our final Confirmation night I invited parents. Some came. I challenged the teens to really think about what the sacrament is about (being more closely bound to the Church, strengthened by the Spirit, and are more strongly obligated to spread and defend the faith with their actions and words). Then I challenged the parents by reminding them what they promised they’d do at their child’s Baptism (raise them in the faith). I asked them if that has been happening. If so, great. If not, it’s time to start because they are not done raising their kids in the faith until…well they are never done. Hopefully if they are in heaven they’ll continue praying for their children. I closed by having the families not just pray with each other but by praying OVER each other. They were to share something real about what they need prayer for and take turns praying over each other. The majority had never done this and this was uncomfortable and challenging.

Stop all the complaining and take responsibility for your family. Families are what will make real change. But what do I know. I’m just a complaining millennial. 

Check out:

The Importance of Family Dinners

St. John Bosco's Ten Tips for Helping Our Youth

Do You Trust Your Father?

The writer, Anais Nin, once said "We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.” When Chris approached me two years ago asking what I thought of our family becoming missionaries with AdoreMinistries, I saw the idea as I was. Having recently been diagnosed with postpartum depression (PPD), a terrible anxiety gripped my life.  I saw missionary life as the surrendering of the only strings of security that I had left, which were Chris's steady paycheck and a life I've grown to love alongside his wonderful parents who have graciously shared their home with us. I saw our leaving the home where we had brought both our daughters from the hospital, and where I had come to know the sense of security and stability that was not present in my childhood. The voice of anxiety in me said that only a fool would give that up for a life in which we must depend on the kindness and generosity of others, and a life of unknowns. In short, I saw all of the truths of missionary life—less traditional security and having to move—through the lens of my own depression.

I would like to add here that PPD, which was soon followed by a diagnosis of major depressive disorder, has been one of the biggest gifts in my life. Brutal, dark, heavy, but a gift. You see, depression is not something that I can just get over, move past, or heal on my own. It has taken a village of people to lift me, support me, and most importantly restore my faith. I've learned that at some point in my life I determined that being self-sufficient and independent was what I needed in order to survive. I had no idea that this internal message bled over into every part of me including my spiritual life.  Fighting depression has, like the steady flow of river water, carved in me a place for trust to live and move. A few months into my counseling journey, I came across this passage from Magnificat that I would like to share with you. It has been one of most eye-opening and influential pieces of writing that I've come across in the last two years. This was in the Lenten edition this year, which was when I began praying about Adore missionary life.

“Too often the cause of our anxieties is a hidden trust in our own strength and understanding. We try to operate out of our own, false self-sufficiency. The anxiety that gets the better of us is the fear that we will not be taken care of. Anxiety of this sort stands as a deep mistrust of God’s Providence, of God’s Fatherly protection of us. Anxiety makes us doubt that love is enough; it makes us doubt God himself…”

I realized that I absolutely struggle with believing I will be taken care of and that God is a Good Father in whom I can place my trust. For as long as I can remember I've believed that if I don't take care of myself no one else will. I have a tendency to operate with an internal backup generator for when life's storms bring havoc rather than abandoning myself to the care of the one whose voice can calm the wind. Dealing with an illness that often feels greater than any strength I could ever summon has systematically broken down my desire to be self-sufficient. I know that I need help; I know I need people.

This realization stands in stark contrast to modern society’s insistence that we, especially women, should depend on nothing and no one to be happy and healthy. While I agree that happiness is primarily an interior work, I also deeply believe that the more we belong to each other the more loving a place our world can become. This is a draw of missionary life for me. I want to provide a childhood for my daughters in which they are encouraged first to love others and then to pursue their wildest dreams, for without love we are nothing and our trophies become obsessions.  

Also, in the last 5 years I have watched Chris, a truly exceptional human being, give his time and passion to youth ministry. There is no doubt he has a gift for it, and I have always supported that. But his true gift is an ability to be present to people. He can make others feel they have a steady, loving friend in their lives, and that is something for which our world has a dire need. That combined with his genuine love for all people, especially anyone that could be labeled as an outcast, make him a great youth minister. As the months passed and I began responding to treatment and improving, I came across the Adore Ministries name during morning prayer, and there was a lurch in my gut. I felt like I could begin to see our family stepping out in faith. Maybe. I decided to tell Chris I was praying about it only to discover he felt drawn to do the same. What drew me back to this opportunity over a year after I had dismissed it? Adore's heart is in loving those whom society has looked down upon or forgotten. I see our partnership with such a wonderful mission as a chance for that gift of presence Chris has to make a BIG Impact. And I see an opportunity to be a part of that too. Much of my battle with depression has consisted of figuring out how to survive, and I believe many of my gifts and talents have been buried in that process.  It is my hope that this new adventure will bring a new level of fulfillment to my life as a woman and mother, to our marriage, and in turn to our family  life.

There is a verse from Acts that Adore has in its mission statement: “Go tell the people everything about this life.” Those words capture the transparency and genuine nature that I've come to love about this group of missionaries. Tell them everything about this life? Even that I am a minister's wife who takes antidepressants and goes to therapy? Even that I have had anxiety so bad that I've missed Sunday mass? YES. Because behind the truth of my struggles is a GRACE so fierce and a love so deep and true that sharing one without the other would be false and empty. That verse comes from a passage in Acts in which an Angel frees the disciples from prison. How can we speak of freedom if we are ashamed to tell of our time in chains? What would I really have to offer anyone if all I want to share is the good in my life? My struggles forge a connection with the imperfection of this life, which I believe tethers me to others and draws us all closer to God.

“He had decided to continue down the winding, dangerous path indicated for him…to accept that he had not been told everything he wanted to know, but simply to trust. He had no desire to doubt again, he did not want to hear anything that would deflect him from his purpose.”  

—from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

So I have decided to trust. To believe in what we hope to do—beyond reason or doubt. I choose to trust that love IS enough, that it is everything, in fact. I am a work in progress who is learning to see God as a good, good Father. I have no idea what is in store for us, but I know that choosing to love others and choosing to give to those who can never repay you just can't be a mistake. It can't. That kind of faith waters the deepest roots of goodness in humanity. It breathes life into dusty bones. It heals and restores. It is the kind of faith I want behind everything I do, and it is the legacy I hope to give my daughters so that they may one day have the courage to believe in Love. With that desire to trust I walk hand in hand with my family into missionary life. I hope you'll walk with us in prayer, support, and encouragement.

We're Leaving. We're Moving. On to New Adventures.

We're leaving Sacred Heart. We're moving to Dickinson, TX area. We're excited to start new adventures as a full time missionary family with Adore Ministries.

This was not in our plans. Missionary life was definitely not on the radar. We've always supported Adore by supporting a missionary and their purpose. I remember when we moved back to Texas I asked Erika out of the blue what were her thoughts on just the idea of joining Adore. I got a "No way", which was in reference to missionary life/fundraising a salary and not Adore itself. A year later, Adore specifically popped into Erika's prayer but nothing came of it. It was noted and we moved on.

This past January I hired Ennie Hickman to come speak to our catechists at our catechist appreciation dinner. Afterwards we caught up since we hadn't seen each other in a good while. Out of sheer curiosity I asked him what it was like for a family to go from a church salary position to missionary life. Overall he expressed how much more whole and fulfilling his marriage and family life had become. We had a long talk about mission life and the mission of Adore. I then went home, told Erika about the conversation and she replied, "I'm open to it. Let's set up a meeting." Wuh?!

We met with Adore a few times and then got serious. We were given a month to discern. At that point I was ready to go. A month? A whole month?! Let's do this now! But one of their strengths is their slow moving in decision making. They are very prayerful and intentional about what they do, where they go, and who they bring in. But, this was a huge time of growth for me. I was forced to actually stop and discern. A good friend of Erika's gave us some great things to think about: What if we were really called to mission work but not Adore? Had we looked at other missionary groups? What if we weren't called to missionary life? Had we looked into anything/anywhere else? Good questions. We also had advice given to us to imagine for 3-4 days that we had decided to say yes/had already been received into Adore and then 3-4 vice versa, what if we didn't join. How would we feel?

In the end, it was our prayer experiences that were the final kickers to our decision (Erika will share her experience in a guest post). For myself, I was praying in our chapel and reading Ralph Martin's The Fulfillment of All Desire: A Guidebook for the Journey to God Based on the Wisdom of the Saints. I got to a point where it mentioned that St. Francis de Sales encouraged lay people to work up to an hour of prayer a day. I decided I was going to stay in there for an hour. Our church is Sacred Heart Catholic Church so naturally we had a Sacred Heart statue.This statue depicts Jesus with his exposed heart (no, his chest isn't busted open, his heart is just on the outside) and him pointing to it. I sat there and begged Jesus to tell me where he wanted me, where he wanted my family to be, what did he want us to do. I did not hear any voice but I had an overwhelming experience of Jesus telling me, "I want you right here, I want you where my heart is." Where's his heart? With the lost, down trodden and the poor. That is exactly where Adore's heart is. For the next couple weeks leading up to our decision date as far as I was concerned I was all in but I wanted to remain open so up until the second we were asked for our answer I was in discernment.

Since then I've been thinking about how I've arrived at this point and have been able to see how God has been grooming me for this. A large part of what Adore is about and does is community and living out Acts. I have been supported and have depended on others/community since college. When I was interning in Austin I lived with two families the two years I was there. When Erika started her masters degree we moved in with my parents so we wouldn't have to take out loans. When we moved to Colorado the parish I was at supplied our housing. We have been with my parents since moving back. And finally, and probably the most important has been the love and support of the Faith Formation Department staff at Sacred Heart. The three years we have been back in Texas have been very rewarding and very challenging. After our youngest daughter, Adeline, was born Erika was diagnosed with severe postpartum depression. There have been times where I have needed to head home to be with her. The staff has expressed with me over and over and has always followed through that if I ever needed to leave work, even in the middle of one of my own events, that I should and they would cover for me. The staff has been such a blessing and expression of real community and support.

It's bittersweet leaving Sacred Heart but we are very excited for our new adventure. Please, please, please keep us and the Sacred Heart youth ministry in prayer. If you'd like to learn more about Adore and where we'll be going and what we'll be doing and if you'd like to partner with us I'd love to get with you to talk about it.

Check out Adore Ministries !

"Go and take your place in the temple area, and tell the people everything about this life." - Acts 5:20