Better Plans

I took this picture at 12:57AM. It is now 1:16AM. As much as I love this little ball of energy and hater of sleep, I'd really like to be asleep right now. For a while, I thought this little ray of sunshine was ruining my Lent. Little did I know (Stranger than Fiction reference) God had better plans.

It had been such a crazy and exciting year with a new baby and starting new ministries at church that I had not given much thought to what I was going to give up for Lent. For the past few years I've been choosing rather physically challenging fasts. But, I figured with the the added responsibilities that it would not be wise to go this route. Yet, I still wanted to shock my system, physically and spiritually. I have had a few goals I've wanted to accomplish and I found something I could do for 40 days that I could continue past the season. A couple of those goals are to wake up early to get to the gym because when I get home from work, though I love lifting, I'd rather not leave my family again to go lift. I also wanted to start getting to work earlier so that I could get home earlier. Plus, if I were up earlier I could cook breakfast, take care of the girls to let my wife sleep in, have some quiet time for prayer, and honestly, I enjoy being up earlier. In the past year the word "intentional" has been heavy on my heart, and I want to be intentional in my life and really live life with joy and to the fullest in everything I do. So, for Lent I chose to wake up at my first alarm.No snoozing or setting a later alarm. Once that alarm went off I had to get out of bed.

What I did not know is that what I now suppose is God's plan was totally going to ruin mine.Two things have happened since Lent started that have made my fast (not sleeping in/getting up at my first alarm) extremely difficult. First Adeline's (the little beauty up top) sleep schedule totally went out of whack. She would go to sleep and then be wide awake 1 and 2 AM . This happened around spring break time, which is when I was hoping to get some good sleep. It got so bad I finally decided to set up the crib and start transitioning Adeline to it, this is number two. She has not taken to the crib one bit. The most she has slept in it is 3-4 hours ONCE and then woke up. We know the reasons why it is taking a while for her to adjust, but we just have to get through this trying time.

Why do I say this extremely frustrating, physically, mentally, spiritually draining trial is a better plan? I am having to sacrifice so much more than I ever would have trying to get up at my first alarm. Over these weeks I've become much more intentional in different parts of my life. When I'm at work, I do my best to actually work and get things done. When I'm at home I try to have as much fun with my girls as possible and I try to take as much as I can off my wife's plate. We've also been intentional in trying to get time alone. The past few days have been some of the most exhausting with a 1 year old not sleeping plus I was away on retreat with 21 middle schoolers. But, I've spent so much time outside and climbing trees and walking through ditches of rain water getting muddy with my girls. I'm being forced to make the time that I'm awake and able to function count. And, at times, I'm having to force myself to slow down to actually do the things I think of so that they don't get pushed to the side, because with such lack of sleep I WILL forget.

Other than sleep, I'm sacrificing my hobby of lifting. I have goals in the gym. I want to bench 300lbs and I'm 5lbs away. I want to squat and deadlift 500lbs by the end of the year. But, like I said I don't like to go after work, except on occasions where I really need to get there which are times where I need to get there for more mental and spiritual reasons. Lifting is a great release for me. And if I'm not going to bed until the wee hours of the morning theres now way I'm going to make it to the gym by 5 or 6. I have not been in a week and there was a point when I didn't go for two weeks. That's not helpful for my progression. But, it sure is helpful for me to choose my family first and pick up in the gym where I left off later.

So no, my Lent has not gone according to plan. It has been harder than I planned. More frustrating than I planned. More angering that I expected. But I know once this season is over (the season of Adeline will continue) it will have been more fruitful than I ever could have planned by just waking up after my first alarm.

It's 2:15 AM and she's still going strong. Her fight against sleep is real!

UPDATE: It's 3:24AM. SHE GAVE IN!

Silence Sounds the Death Knell

I really haven’t commented much on all of the tragedies, loss of life and neighborhood, and sheer hatred going on with the race related incidents being covered on all media outlets. It’s a topic that makes my heart pound faster because no matter where the discussion takes place it is a ticking time bomb on some level. I used to take offense very easily to race related issues. I’ve since come to a point where I know I’m my own man and no matter what others may say about my ethnicity, or what someone of my same ethnicity does, in reality I am in control of how I react.

Ferguson (Michael Brown), Eric Garner, Tamir Rice. For me the saddest part, other than the loss of life, is the lack of genuine interest in having a genuine conversation. Many people want to just make their point or repeat what they saw on the news rather than getting to know the view point of someone that sees something differently.

First off, no matter what the truth is in any of the incidents the loss of life is what matters most. We should be praying for the repose of the souls of Michael Brown, Eric Garner, and Tamir Rice and for the families and friends they left behind. Whether the person deserved it or not, which I think is a sick discussion to begin with, life comes first. No matter whether you think someone like a Michael Brown was a young child on his way to school or whether he was a large young adult bully, he lost his life.

One thing that bothered me the most was the lack of sympathy or even attempt of empathy. Riots, marches, and civil disobedience don’t just happen over night. I know people from areas around Ferguson and they attest to the strained relationship between the police and the community, especially when ethnicity is brought into it. People like to throw their opinions around and tell others how they should feel and how they should not feel, how they should act and not act, yet they have no basis to go off of. They can’t even relate. You can use your reason about how not to let emotions get the best of you, but can any of us claim to always keep our heads no matter what? How can someone from the suburbs (where I’ve spent most of my own life) tell someone from a crime ridden area how to respond to the umpteenth time someone has been killed in front of them?  No, I’m not condoning crime, but I am promoting the freedom to march when one sees fit. You want to point the finger at your neighbor but do you even know your neighbor? Do you know their past? Do you know their family? Do you know their hopes and fears? What do you know?

A friend of mine paraphrased St. Augustine to me. He said “How can I love you Lord if I do not know you?” I could not find that exact quote, but Augustine did say “for who can call on Thee not knowing thee?” How can you love your neighbor if you do not know your neighbor? If you’re stuck in your place of residence surrounded by people that all look like you and have the same interests, how are you to know and judge someone from a totally opposite part of town, world, life style? Get to know your neighbor. Get out of your comfort zone.

Oh and the ignorance. It’s amazing that so many people don’t hear how ignorant and racist (whether intentional or not) they sound. For instance, I know many people don’t realize that they have substituted the term “black” for “ghetto”. The black population has steadily increased in the town in which I’ve lived since high school. It is full of many ethnicities, but you can really see the rise in the black population. So when a friend of mine told me a few years ago that the AMC movie theater has become more “ghetto” and at the time nothing had changed physically with the building, operations, etc I had to wonder what she really meant. And regarding the recent civil disobedience, I heard a group of people at my church talking about how wrong and despicable it was for people to create such situations as marching in the streets. Yet, we have a day in our nation’s calendar honoring a man who did the same things they call despicable. We celebrate Martin Luther King Day precisely because he marched, protested, did sit-ins. I’d have to assume they wouldn’t have anything negative to say about his tactics. There was no charity in their words. There was no discussion. There was plenty of judgment and pointing the finger.

I’ll admit, I did not follow all of the news closely. I don’t like how race relations talks make me feel. I can get very aggressive and I don’t like that. And naturally, I’m a listener way before I’m a talker. So yes, it has taken me this long to write something. I thank my wise friend for the challenge and the conviction. As a Catholic my fight for justice doesn’t stop at abortion and euthanasia, which is where many people keep their justice and life fight. But our fight for charity, dignity, life, justice, and mercy goes to all parts of human existence. Silence can sometimes sound the death knell.

And now a word from Bob Marley who fought against injustice with his music:  

You're Wrong, Jennifer Lawrence. You Deserve Better.

As a child I was kind of a romantic. I wanted the best for everyone. I remember watching movies where a male character was genuinely in love with a woman and pursued her, and I hoped I could be like that one day. I really liked characters that were real men: lovers and fighters. My personal experience of love was also based on my parents. I saw their love and affection for each other every day and knew that that’s what love was all about and how it was supposed to be. I even remember thinking that of course people who kissed in movies must have been married in real life because why would you be kissing another woman, even in a movie?

I’m still a romantic at heart and want the best for others, and that’s why Jennifer Lawrence’s interview in Vanity Fair really tugs at my heart. Part of this article addresses the theft and exposure of nude photos of some celebrities including herself. She describes this disgusting invasion of privacy as “not a scandal. It is a sex crime…It is a sexual violation”.

 What causes the “tug” at my heart is her justification for the pictures existing. Her excuse for having the nude pictures is,

“I was in a loving, healthy, great relationship for four years. It was long distance, and either your boyfriend is going to look at porn or he’s going to look at you.”

I think this sad and desperate (in my opinion) statement is an example of the damage our society has done due to the objectification of the human person in our culture.

 As children we are told “what’s inside is what counts” lest we judge people by appearance only. Yet, actions always speak louder than words.  You can’t watch a movie, a TV show, drive down the highway, listen to the radio, walk through the mall or open up a magazine without seeing that society places our true value on the exterior. We can see that it has even impacted, based on her statements, Jennifer Lawrence who portrays herself as a confident, brave, strong young adult.

 If I could talk to her I would tell her that her statement sounded like a cry of desperation. It sounds as if she’s settled for less and will do whatever it takes to keep the attention of her significant other at the time. I would tell her that she should expect more of the men she allows in her life. She should cherish herself more than to allow his selfishness to control her actions and the way she may view herself. She shouldn’t have to choose between his objectifying her or another woman. Lawrence’s response shows the disconnect that exists in our society between what most women deeply desire—connection and real intimacy—and what most men are conditioned to give. Men are taught that the degradation and objectification of women through pornography is normal, but no woman wants to be degraded or to have her value reduced to mere body parts. So many women feel it is better to degrade themselves and use their bodies to keep the attention on them rather than men naturally wanting to focus on one woman, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

 To say that “either your boyfriend is going to look at porn or he’s going to look at you” is to say that he is either going to lust after another woman or he’s going to lust after you. No one wants lust! What people want and need is love. Lust is the cause of the porn industry, prostitution, and sex slavery. Lust is destructive, lust is poisonous, lust weakens, lust is slavery. Love is healing, love is life saving, love is powerful, love is freeing.

 There are men out there striving to live a chaste life. Chastity provides a strength that allows them to fight not just for themselves but for the one they love. Chastity is a virtue and a virtuous man is a powerful man. I implore all women that are called to the sacrament of holy matrimony to look for a man striving for the virtue of chastity and that they also strive to live this virtue. A man living a life of chastity is a man that is willing to sacrifice. I implore men to live a chaste life because this virtue will aid you in not just being a lover but being a fighter which will strengthen your marriage, which will strengthen your fatherhood, which will change the world.

"There is need for a crusade of manliness and purity to counteract and undo the savage work of those who think that man is a beast. . . . And that crusade is a matter for you" – St. Josemaria Escriva

Here is a great article in response to the same article by a man I admire, Matt Fradd . 

I Let Her Down

Over the summer I took four trips away from my family. The first trip was out of state in another time zone for 4 days at Life Teen’s Catholic Youth Ministry Conference. My second trip was to Steubenville South for the weekend, just one state over in Louisiana. This second trip by far was the hardest homecoming. It was the first time I felt like I really let my oldest daughter down.

On my return I found out that my daughter was not the same while I was gone. She was quiet and asked where I was over and over. The day after I returned I had to go to work because I didn’t think of taking off but I went in mid-afternoon so I could stay home a while. I left when my wife was putting our oldest down for a nap which is when she started crying at the news of my departure. I couldn’t figure out if it was because of the nap, she really doesn’t like nap time, or because I was leaving. It was confirmed that it was the latter when I returned. When I got back home Elanor ran full speed and crashed into my leg, as if running into a wall, and gave me a crippling bear hug. This was great, I felt so loved. My wife proceeded to tell me that my daughter had been crying since I left.  She asked Erika, “Daddy went away?”. “Yes”, Erika answered. “He doesn’t want me,” Elanor asked. This nearly brought me to my knees. I then understood why Elanor kept saying, “I can’t believe it! I can’t believe it!” I asked her what she couldn’t believe and she said, “You came back.”

I didn’t understand how this short trip caused her to feel abandoned by me. Then I realized on my first trip I left in the afternoon so I had half a day to spend with her and then tell her goodbye. On the second trip I left really early and she was asleep. And, I don’t recall us telling her that I would be leaving. So I’m sure she woke up and all she knew was that I was gone and didn’t say goodbye. The rest of the week I did everything I could to show her how much I love her. First I sat her down and held her hands, looked her in the eyes and told her that I did want her, I love her, and that I’d always come back. I then took her out for yogurt and we played around the fountain in Town Center.

The word that has been echoing in my head since then has been “intentional”. I told Erika that we really have to be intentional when one of us has to leave for a while. We have to be intentional in letting our children know we will be leaving, we will be coming back, we do want them, and we do love them.

I’ve learned a lot about intentionality from friends of ours who have been missionaries on college campuses with FOCUS doing intentional discipleship. It is the intentional practice of building real relationships. It is the opposite of using someone, it is about building someone up, empowering the other. And that is my job as a father of two daughters, to build up and empower them.

I’m realistic. I know I will fail her many times. But from here on out I know the cost of not being intentional and I plan on not paying nor having my daughters pay the price.

Bring a Double Edged Sword to the Satanic Black Mass

Over the past couple of weeks, the threat of a reenactment of a Satanic mass rocked the Christian, especially Catholic, websites and blogosphere. I won’t rehash the story here but if you’ve been in the dark you can read about it here: Satanic Black Mass

I think the response from the Catholic world was spectacular. Churches, universities, groups around the country mobilized for Masses and Holy Hours. I got into a conversation online about how we should respond. One person in the conversations said that since she can’t directly do anything she has to let go because God can take care of himself.

Now while I do agree that God can take care of himself and does take care of us, I believe there is a right response we should have. Now in defense of the person I was speaking with, the person was in agreement of the abhorrent actions being taken by those wanting to “reenact” the black mass. Although the group claimed they weren’t using a consecrated host, Satan IS the father of lies. The Eucharist is the source and summit of our faith. It is the most precious sacrament we have. We should defend it. I began to think about the careful actions we take to prevent harm coming to Jesus in the consecrated bread and wine: In mass the extraordinary ministers of the Eucharist aren’t supposed to let people proceed if they don’t consume the host (due to people doing what the satanic group claimed they weren’t), when purificators and corporals get stained or old we burn or bury them, we create special sinks to make sure that the fragments of the host that are cleaned out of the vessels goes into the ground and not into the sewage system, some parishes still utilize patens to place under people’s mouths when they receive on the tongue, and there are procedures for when the host or blood is dropped.

When Peter realized that Jesus was going to be taken prisoner he chose to physically defend Jesus and used his sword to attack the servant Malchus John 18:10 . Now, I am not condoning violence, but I wouldn’t have been surprised nor upset if someone infiltrated the “reenactment” and attempted to take the Eucharist away.

The righteous anger that brewed in the Catholic community initiated the great action of prayer. Truth will always win out. John speaks of a double edged sword coming out of Jesus’ mouth during one of his apocalyptic visions. This double edged sword is the Gospel. ( Revelation 1:16 , Revelation 19:15, ) During this time of Satan  making the headlines (he's always in the headlines, just this time he's there in name) I’ve been able to learn about some of the people he lost to the double edged sword. The very man (Joris Karl Huysmans) that wrote the book the Satanic Temple was going to use to “reenact” the black mass, a year after its being published, returned to Catholicism and died as a Benedictine oblate. And Bartolo Longo , a man from a devout Catholic family, went from leaving his faith to being ordained a satanic priest, to coming back to his faith and becoming a Third Order Dominican.

Indeed, the word of God is living and effective, sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating even between soul and spirit, joints and marrow, and able to discern reflections and thoughts of the heart. – Hebrews 4:12

Lenten Power Series: Failures and Triumphs

CAPO has come and gone. Each of the Animal competitors did very well though each had his own experience and opinion of how he did.

I mean everybody was great. Some things were good, some things were bad I don’t think we all had the best days ever. Richard had a good day, Brandon had an exceptional day, Eric had a pretty good day to. Like I said, my day most people would call pretty good or exceptional but you know for me going 6 for 9 is bad, I missed three lifts and if you want to put together a real big total that just can’t happen. – Garrett Griffin

Richard                 1^st

Eric                    2^nd

Brandon                 3^rd

Garrett                 4^th

Sam                     Disqualified

Lent can be like that. It can be a struggle from the beginning, easy all the way through, or there can be bumps along the way, but hopefully everyone is better, holier, stronger at the end.

Personally, I struggled from the beginning. With the new job, new baby, and getting used to two daughters in our growing family, I really wasn’t prepared for Lent. I hadn’t given much thought to it. A couple days before Ash Wednesday I really started thinking about what I would do or not do. I usually do something rather extreme in some way. Over the past few years I really felt a call to go a little further with Lent: gave up my bed, gave up shoes, only wore one outfit. This year, two days before Ash Wednesday, I thought about only eating fish as a protein source. But, I wasn’t prepared, I didn’t have all the fish ready much less time to prep it. I tried to see what was holding me back and I decided to give up wasteful TV watching except for the few shows I really follow.

This started off ok.  If the TV was on I’d sit away from it (it’s in the main gathering area of the house), and a few times my wife and I would turn it off and talk. But, due to the fact my wife is a stay at home mom sometimes in the evening sitting and watching TV is how she unwinds. I realized that if I wanted to go through with my TV fast I wouldn’t be able to be around her which would defeat the purpose of trying to intentionally be together more.

I really started being hard on myself. Sometimes I would try and be with her though the TV was on but I just wouldn’t look at it. I thought that was a cop out. There were times I caught myself just sitting there and watching with her. I felt like I was failing Lent. Then, a week before Holy Week I realized 1. I had picked a bad fast, 2. I didn’t need to do or cut anything out of my life. A week and a half before Ash Wednesday our daughter Adeline was born. Our whole life went into full sacrifice mode. Lack of sleep is a huge factor, trying to work out a schedule, who will stay up late and go to bed and then switch, plus having to go to work the next day, and getting used to two children. Just a few days ago I was up for 38hrs. I had lunch with some great people last week and they really helped me see that I was already sacrificing for Lent. But, I had it in my brain that I needed to add something more to my normal life, though something had already been added, a new addition to our family.

So for me, in hindsight, this was the most extreme Lent I’ve had. Sleepless nights, new baby, two daughters, double diapers, baby puke, supporting my wife, new job, and slim to no gym time! Most of the time I felt like a failure though in reality I was right in the midst of where I needed to be.

Here's a great article from Dr. Taylor Marshall about how a strict Lent could harm your experience of it: How My Strict Lent Once Ruined Easter

Lenten Righteous Anger

Brandon Lily, Animal sponsored powerlifter, talks a lot about anger in this episode. He mentions how he hated his dad when he was younger due to his working long hours. He even goes on to mention that his first experience in the weight room was in middle school, and he was humiliated. His coach put a certain amount of weight on the bar and had the students squat it. On Brandon’s attempt he unracked the bar and was crushed under its weight.

Anger seems to have played a large role in Brandon’s life. And, it seems to have played that role for a long time. But, over time he was able to use that anger to learn more about himself and to focus it into a more positive direction.

Anger is not a bad thing. Anger is a natural reaction when an injustice has been experienced. The righteous anger we possess is geared towards bringing justice and right order back to a situation or relationship. We know anger in itself is not sinful because we can see that Jesus was angry when he saw his Father’s house being abused. He was very angry and so he set things right. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was very angry at racism in America and he used that anger to fight against it. Ghandi was very angry at the occupation of his country, and he used that anger to fight for change. Pope John Paul II was very angry at the communism that controlled his beloved Poland, but he used that anger to affect change. Anger can be a powerful tool, but how it is used makes all the difference.

Anger is included in the seven deadly sins. Anger turns deadly when we allow it to control us, enslave us. When we clench and hold tight to our anger we are not able to receive something good, nor are we able to receive. Sirach 27:30

Let’s use the rest of this Lenten season to see where anger may fester in our lives and to loose it in the right direction like a King or Ghandi. The correct use of a righteous anger can live to a more fruitful life, even within a short 24 hour period:

“I’m trying to live a more thankful existence, you know, and beyond that I try to be better than I was yesterday, and I don’t mean in the weight room I’m talking about as a person if I can grow as a person every single day, and the third thing would be to help another person, even if it’s just one or 10. If I can wake up and honestly be thankful, be better than I was yesterday, and help somebody else to be better I really don’t know how a man could ask for much more in 24 hours.” – Brandon Lily

Fr. Barron on Anger and Forgiveness

And here's a beautiful story from the Aurora, CO shooting where anger did not win out:
"I do forgive him"