You're Wrong, Jennifer Lawrence. You Deserve Better.

As a child I was kind of a romantic. I wanted the best for everyone. I remember watching movies where a male character was genuinely in love with a woman and pursued her, and I hoped I could be like that one day. I really liked characters that were real men: lovers and fighters. My personal experience of love was also based on my parents. I saw their love and affection for each other every day and knew that that’s what love was all about and how it was supposed to be. I even remember thinking that of course people who kissed in movies must have been married in real life because why would you be kissing another woman, even in a movie?

I’m still a romantic at heart and want the best for others, and that’s why Jennifer Lawrence’s interview in Vanity Fair really tugs at my heart. Part of this article addresses the theft and exposure of nude photos of some celebrities including herself. She describes this disgusting invasion of privacy as “not a scandal. It is a sex crime…It is a sexual violation”.

 What causes the “tug” at my heart is her justification for the pictures existing. Her excuse for having the nude pictures is,

“I was in a loving, healthy, great relationship for four years. It was long distance, and either your boyfriend is going to look at porn or he’s going to look at you.”

I think this sad and desperate (in my opinion) statement is an example of the damage our society has done due to the objectification of the human person in our culture.

 As children we are told “what’s inside is what counts” lest we judge people by appearance only. Yet, actions always speak louder than words.  You can’t watch a movie, a TV show, drive down the highway, listen to the radio, walk through the mall or open up a magazine without seeing that society places our true value on the exterior. We can see that it has even impacted, based on her statements, Jennifer Lawrence who portrays herself as a confident, brave, strong young adult.

 If I could talk to her I would tell her that her statement sounded like a cry of desperation. It sounds as if she’s settled for less and will do whatever it takes to keep the attention of her significant other at the time. I would tell her that she should expect more of the men she allows in her life. She should cherish herself more than to allow his selfishness to control her actions and the way she may view herself. She shouldn’t have to choose between his objectifying her or another woman. Lawrence’s response shows the disconnect that exists in our society between what most women deeply desire—connection and real intimacy—and what most men are conditioned to give. Men are taught that the degradation and objectification of women through pornography is normal, but no woman wants to be degraded or to have her value reduced to mere body parts. So many women feel it is better to degrade themselves and use their bodies to keep the attention on them rather than men naturally wanting to focus on one woman, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

 To say that “either your boyfriend is going to look at porn or he’s going to look at you” is to say that he is either going to lust after another woman or he’s going to lust after you. No one wants lust! What people want and need is love. Lust is the cause of the porn industry, prostitution, and sex slavery. Lust is destructive, lust is poisonous, lust weakens, lust is slavery. Love is healing, love is life saving, love is powerful, love is freeing.

 There are men out there striving to live a chaste life. Chastity provides a strength that allows them to fight not just for themselves but for the one they love. Chastity is a virtue and a virtuous man is a powerful man. I implore all women that are called to the sacrament of holy matrimony to look for a man striving for the virtue of chastity and that they also strive to live this virtue. A man living a life of chastity is a man that is willing to sacrifice. I implore men to live a chaste life because this virtue will aid you in not just being a lover but being a fighter which will strengthen your marriage, which will strengthen your fatherhood, which will change the world.

"There is need for a crusade of manliness and purity to counteract and undo the savage work of those who think that man is a beast. . . . And that crusade is a matter for you" – St. Josemaria Escriva

Here is a great article in response to the same article by a man I admire, Matt Fradd . 

I Let Her Down

Over the summer I took four trips away from my family. The first trip was out of state in another time zone for 4 days at Life Teen’s Catholic Youth Ministry Conference. My second trip was to Steubenville South for the weekend, just one state over in Louisiana. This second trip by far was the hardest homecoming. It was the first time I felt like I really let my oldest daughter down.

On my return I found out that my daughter was not the same while I was gone. She was quiet and asked where I was over and over. The day after I returned I had to go to work because I didn’t think of taking off but I went in mid-afternoon so I could stay home a while. I left when my wife was putting our oldest down for a nap which is when she started crying at the news of my departure. I couldn’t figure out if it was because of the nap, she really doesn’t like nap time, or because I was leaving. It was confirmed that it was the latter when I returned. When I got back home Elanor ran full speed and crashed into my leg, as if running into a wall, and gave me a crippling bear hug. This was great, I felt so loved. My wife proceeded to tell me that my daughter had been crying since I left.  She asked Erika, “Daddy went away?”. “Yes”, Erika answered. “He doesn’t want me,” Elanor asked. This nearly brought me to my knees. I then understood why Elanor kept saying, “I can’t believe it! I can’t believe it!” I asked her what she couldn’t believe and she said, “You came back.”

I didn’t understand how this short trip caused her to feel abandoned by me. Then I realized on my first trip I left in the afternoon so I had half a day to spend with her and then tell her goodbye. On the second trip I left really early and she was asleep. And, I don’t recall us telling her that I would be leaving. So I’m sure she woke up and all she knew was that I was gone and didn’t say goodbye. The rest of the week I did everything I could to show her how much I love her. First I sat her down and held her hands, looked her in the eyes and told her that I did want her, I love her, and that I’d always come back. I then took her out for yogurt and we played around the fountain in Town Center.

The word that has been echoing in my head since then has been “intentional”. I told Erika that we really have to be intentional when one of us has to leave for a while. We have to be intentional in letting our children know we will be leaving, we will be coming back, we do want them, and we do love them.

I’ve learned a lot about intentionality from friends of ours who have been missionaries on college campuses with FOCUS doing intentional discipleship. It is the intentional practice of building real relationships. It is the opposite of using someone, it is about building someone up, empowering the other. And that is my job as a father of two daughters, to build up and empower them.

I’m realistic. I know I will fail her many times. But from here on out I know the cost of not being intentional and I plan on not paying nor having my daughters pay the price.

Bring a Double Edged Sword to the Satanic Black Mass

Over the past couple of weeks, the threat of a reenactment of a Satanic mass rocked the Christian, especially Catholic, websites and blogosphere. I won’t rehash the story here but if you’ve been in the dark you can read about it here: Satanic Black Mass

I think the response from the Catholic world was spectacular. Churches, universities, groups around the country mobilized for Masses and Holy Hours. I got into a conversation online about how we should respond. One person in the conversations said that since she can’t directly do anything she has to let go because God can take care of himself.

Now while I do agree that God can take care of himself and does take care of us, I believe there is a right response we should have. Now in defense of the person I was speaking with, the person was in agreement of the abhorrent actions being taken by those wanting to “reenact” the black mass. Although the group claimed they weren’t using a consecrated host, Satan IS the father of lies. The Eucharist is the source and summit of our faith. It is the most precious sacrament we have. We should defend it. I began to think about the careful actions we take to prevent harm coming to Jesus in the consecrated bread and wine: In mass the extraordinary ministers of the Eucharist aren’t supposed to let people proceed if they don’t consume the host (due to people doing what the satanic group claimed they weren’t), when purificators and corporals get stained or old we burn or bury them, we create special sinks to make sure that the fragments of the host that are cleaned out of the vessels goes into the ground and not into the sewage system, some parishes still utilize patens to place under people’s mouths when they receive on the tongue, and there are procedures for when the host or blood is dropped.

When Peter realized that Jesus was going to be taken prisoner he chose to physically defend Jesus and used his sword to attack the servant Malchus John 18:10 . Now, I am not condoning violence, but I wouldn’t have been surprised nor upset if someone infiltrated the “reenactment” and attempted to take the Eucharist away.

The righteous anger that brewed in the Catholic community initiated the great action of prayer. Truth will always win out. John speaks of a double edged sword coming out of Jesus’ mouth during one of his apocalyptic visions. This double edged sword is the Gospel. ( Revelation 1:16 , Revelation 19:15, ) During this time of Satan  making the headlines (he's always in the headlines, just this time he's there in name) I’ve been able to learn about some of the people he lost to the double edged sword. The very man (Joris Karl Huysmans) that wrote the book the Satanic Temple was going to use to “reenact” the black mass, a year after its being published, returned to Catholicism and died as a Benedictine oblate. And Bartolo Longo , a man from a devout Catholic family, went from leaving his faith to being ordained a satanic priest, to coming back to his faith and becoming a Third Order Dominican.

Indeed, the word of God is living and effective, sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating even between soul and spirit, joints and marrow, and able to discern reflections and thoughts of the heart. – Hebrews 4:12

Lenten Power Series: Failures and Triumphs

CAPO has come and gone. Each of the Animal competitors did very well though each had his own experience and opinion of how he did.

I mean everybody was great. Some things were good, some things were bad I don’t think we all had the best days ever. Richard had a good day, Brandon had an exceptional day, Eric had a pretty good day to. Like I said, my day most people would call pretty good or exceptional but you know for me going 6 for 9 is bad, I missed three lifts and if you want to put together a real big total that just can’t happen. – Garrett Griffin

Richard                 1^st

Eric                    2^nd

Brandon                 3^rd

Garrett                 4^th

Sam                     Disqualified

Lent can be like that. It can be a struggle from the beginning, easy all the way through, or there can be bumps along the way, but hopefully everyone is better, holier, stronger at the end.

Personally, I struggled from the beginning. With the new job, new baby, and getting used to two daughters in our growing family, I really wasn’t prepared for Lent. I hadn’t given much thought to it. A couple days before Ash Wednesday I really started thinking about what I would do or not do. I usually do something rather extreme in some way. Over the past few years I really felt a call to go a little further with Lent: gave up my bed, gave up shoes, only wore one outfit. This year, two days before Ash Wednesday, I thought about only eating fish as a protein source. But, I wasn’t prepared, I didn’t have all the fish ready much less time to prep it. I tried to see what was holding me back and I decided to give up wasteful TV watching except for the few shows I really follow.

This started off ok.  If the TV was on I’d sit away from it (it’s in the main gathering area of the house), and a few times my wife and I would turn it off and talk. But, due to the fact my wife is a stay at home mom sometimes in the evening sitting and watching TV is how she unwinds. I realized that if I wanted to go through with my TV fast I wouldn’t be able to be around her which would defeat the purpose of trying to intentionally be together more.

I really started being hard on myself. Sometimes I would try and be with her though the TV was on but I just wouldn’t look at it. I thought that was a cop out. There were times I caught myself just sitting there and watching with her. I felt like I was failing Lent. Then, a week before Holy Week I realized 1. I had picked a bad fast, 2. I didn’t need to do or cut anything out of my life. A week and a half before Ash Wednesday our daughter Adeline was born. Our whole life went into full sacrifice mode. Lack of sleep is a huge factor, trying to work out a schedule, who will stay up late and go to bed and then switch, plus having to go to work the next day, and getting used to two children. Just a few days ago I was up for 38hrs. I had lunch with some great people last week and they really helped me see that I was already sacrificing for Lent. But, I had it in my brain that I needed to add something more to my normal life, though something had already been added, a new addition to our family.

So for me, in hindsight, this was the most extreme Lent I’ve had. Sleepless nights, new baby, two daughters, double diapers, baby puke, supporting my wife, new job, and slim to no gym time! Most of the time I felt like a failure though in reality I was right in the midst of where I needed to be.

Here's a great article from Dr. Taylor Marshall about how a strict Lent could harm your experience of it: How My Strict Lent Once Ruined Easter

Lenten Righteous Anger

Brandon Lily, Animal sponsored powerlifter, talks a lot about anger in this episode. He mentions how he hated his dad when he was younger due to his working long hours. He even goes on to mention that his first experience in the weight room was in middle school, and he was humiliated. His coach put a certain amount of weight on the bar and had the students squat it. On Brandon’s attempt he unracked the bar and was crushed under its weight.

Anger seems to have played a large role in Brandon’s life. And, it seems to have played that role for a long time. But, over time he was able to use that anger to learn more about himself and to focus it into a more positive direction.

Anger is not a bad thing. Anger is a natural reaction when an injustice has been experienced. The righteous anger we possess is geared towards bringing justice and right order back to a situation or relationship. We know anger in itself is not sinful because we can see that Jesus was angry when he saw his Father’s house being abused. He was very angry and so he set things right. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was very angry at racism in America and he used that anger to fight against it. Ghandi was very angry at the occupation of his country, and he used that anger to fight for change. Pope John Paul II was very angry at the communism that controlled his beloved Poland, but he used that anger to affect change. Anger can be a powerful tool, but how it is used makes all the difference.

Anger is included in the seven deadly sins. Anger turns deadly when we allow it to control us, enslave us. When we clench and hold tight to our anger we are not able to receive something good, nor are we able to receive. Sirach 27:30

Let’s use the rest of this Lenten season to see where anger may fester in our lives and to loose it in the right direction like a King or Ghandi. The correct use of a righteous anger can live to a more fruitful life, even within a short 24 hour period:

“I’m trying to live a more thankful existence, you know, and beyond that I try to be better than I was yesterday, and I don’t mean in the weight room I’m talking about as a person if I can grow as a person every single day, and the third thing would be to help another person, even if it’s just one or 10. If I can wake up and honestly be thankful, be better than I was yesterday, and help somebody else to be better I really don’t know how a man could ask for much more in 24 hours.” – Brandon Lily

Fr. Barron on Anger and Forgiveness

And here's a beautiful story from the Aurora, CO shooting where anger did not win out:
"I do forgive him"

Unattainable and Avoiding the Millstone

Sam Byrd takes us through chapter 4 of the “Journey to Capo” series. He begins the video by talking about the lofty goals he set earlier in life of what he wanted to do, who he wanted to become.

I’ve always pushed myself to the limit in everything that I’ve done. I set goals that at the time seem unattainable and then set little stepping stones to get there. When I started lifting weights I started small. I wanted to have the heaviest squat of all time, not a bad goal. Here I am 17 year later, I’m still not there yet, but I’m getting closer. I set big goals and then I set stepping stones to get me there, just like in life. When I decided I wanted to become an attorney I knew I had 8 years of school in front of me. I wanted everything now just like everybody does, I want to wake up tomorrow morning and look like Mr. Olympia, that ain’t gonna happen. I wanted to be established, I wanted to be a professional, I wanted to be making money, I wanted to be driving nice cares, having a nice house, but that wasn’t coming right then but I knew the work that was in front of me and I just made a commitment and did it.

Sam mentions that as an attourney now his advertising is mostly online. But, when someone does a search on him all the pictures that come up are of him lifting. What comes up when you search your own name online? Are these things you want others to see? Do you want your job to see what you have posted?

Who, what are we striving to be? What are our goals in life? These are important questions. But have we stopped to think, “Who does God want me to be”, “What does God want me to do,”? In scripture we are told that we are to be examples for others. Jesus says, “No disciple is superior to the teaching; but when fully trained, every disciple will be like his teacher.” Who are we discipling? Do we really want others to be like us? In Luke 17:2 Jesus says, “It would be better for him if a millstone were put around his neck and he be thrown into the sea than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin”. What are we teaching our children, siblings, and those in our care? 

Paul tells us in his letters, “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ”, (1 Corinthians 11:1). A very popular quote that is attributed to St. Francis of Assisi is, “Preach the Gospel at all times. Use words if necessary.” Are we practicing what we preach or living out what we claim to believe. If not, God has a warning, “So, because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth,” – (Revelation 3:16).